Ever Visited Breast Cancer Dot Org?

Over where it is beautiful one day and perfect the next, Sandra posted:

"Negative people need drama like oxygen.

Stay positive. It will take their breath away."

And on an optimistic note, this week Ibrance is to be delivered to our doorstep.  It is a pill generally taken orally along with a hormone inhibitor. I have read that it costs $10,000 for a one month supply, but I am hoping that is an unsubstantiated rumor.  Yeah, yeah, there are those nasty little side effects, but look at it this way, those tumors may not get bigger anytime soon with pricey meds on board!

At this site on one of the community forums at "breast cancer", I spent several days reading through, actually skimming, over 14,000 messages on one board alone.  About anything you could ever question has been addressed by one person or another in this one thread about BC bone metastasis.  And that is just one thread of conversations covering almost 135,000 topics.  It is amazing how many competent people, mostly women, are in charge of their health care.

Simply filling in the information on the profile site took me a while.  It was worth the time to complete the profiling because now I have specific email updates on news relating to individual diagnoses sent to me by email.  Of course, if you are only a lurker and not an overachiever trying to be on top of it all, you can skip the emails and enjoy your latest Big Bang Theory episode, if that is your fancy, and just check in every few months on medical updates. Obsessiveness comes in all shapes and sizes other than fretting over one's health; my personal favorite ocd activity is blowing dead leaves off the patio.  At least that is an activity that can be controlled by hot air (not touching politics)!

Leaving you with this beautiful song...

The Yahweh in Him Met the God in Me

Newly referred oncologist Mark Levandovsky, MD, is a smart cookie in more dimensions that I will ever know.  He certainly read me well on our initial visit, handed me tissues without fanfare, kept direct eye contact, was kind in his manner while being straightforward, and did not overload me with information. 

When I told him I would not fight the metastasis to the bone via tooth and nail, just wanted to be kept comfortable and keep the cancer at arm's length as long as possible, his response was exactly what I wanted and needed to hear. His yarmulka stayed pinned on his head while my silver cross was caught in my reconstructed cleavage. He listened, he heard.

His reply to my questions as to how we would treat this without going overboard in loading up the system with toxic drugs (this cancer will never be eradicated, hence cured), Dr. Levandovsky said he would treat it with "this and that" and if this and that did not provide relief or slow down of growth of tumors, he said he would treat it "with the other."  He sensed I did not  need to know specific effects of seven syllable oncologic drugs, nor would I remember their specific names even five minutes later.  He just knew that I was leaving the specifics in his hands. The analogy is that he and God are taking care of all the details.

This morning I go in for patient education on oral daily drugs.

My anxiety is under control with drugs and I have slept much better the last couple of nights.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  As for me, it is good to be near God.  Psalms 73:26

All those chemo hats I have been crocheting will go to the oncology unit.  Here are two finished last week.

and another Bellatina...

Be Still

Not sleeping well these past weeks, getting up from bed several times during the night, a few hours ago I had a God Experience as I was repeating this scenario. (Tossing and turning in bed might be an analogy, although not quite hitting the mark. Movement and flitting of the mind seems more accurate. The kind of subconscious upheaval and mental jousting that keeps one from returning to sleep.)

Being as quiet as possible, hoping Gene would not detect that I had left the bed, I felt my way into the bathroom and closed the door, then turned on the bath light.  I was wondering what medicine I should take: Meloxicam?  No, took one of those at 7:30 PM, so could not take another dose yet. Certainly, an oxicodone pill was not the answer as there was definitely no pain approximating that medicine intake. Aspirin?: another no. By this time, I was nearing my side of the sinks where some medicines were placed the night before. My mind began praying for guidance as to what I should do to aid in this restlessness.

Instantaneously and without question, the Holy Spirit said to me "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD."

That was the answer to the question of which medicine to take.  I needed only a reminder that God is in control, that I just needed to return to bed for sleep, I was being watched over.  

Within minutes after returning to bed, I slept again for at least two hours.  All that was needed was His presence.  He had, after all, been there all the time. Only I required that reminder, dumb, slow human that I am.  God is good to his simple sheep.

Psalm 23:1-4 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Yesterday, a St. Mary's Hospital scheduler made appointments for me with both medical oncology and radiology, although the biopsy report has not been yet been relayed to me.