A Pause in Advent

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Please click on The Mennonite Girls to read a message that will warm your heart and amaze your soul.

And visit "A Pause in Advent" here and read more stories about the Christmas journey from the 2012 bloggers taking part.

Peace: A Possibility

When I think of peace at this time of year, my visualization usually turns to doves, angels, or perhaps the nativity scene.  Many beautiful images can be found at Inspiration Avenue on the web at this site.  In fact, the bold type encourages "Peace on Earth, Goodwill To Men."

But what if the holidays are difficult for you, and peace is nowhere near possible?  What if health issues take precedence in your mind, or you are grieving a difficult loss?  What if your heart is breaking?  Where is your peace, or peace of mind?

Family estrangement, especially during the holiday season, is a situation that brings many people anguish. I looked into this issue and found that this is a universal heartache, certainly not just one in my heart. And perhaps after reading this, you will not ask "WHY?" when you learn of an estrangement situation, but can just be there as support for your friend or family member.

So please indulge me, if you are so inclined, to read about some of these thoughts put together here, to gain a better understanding of why family members might estrange themselves.

From this article written by Tina Gilbertson, she hits it right on:

You must understand that the other person has a reason for wanting to reduce contact with you. It hurts to think about being rejected at all, and to accept that there's a reason you were rejected is one of the hardest things any of us can do. However, it's also necessary if you want to have a relationship with the person again.

 You are wrong and they are right. No qualifiers, no conditions, no compromises. How they feel is the absolute truth of the matter. This must be your attitude and your belief. People don't end important relationships on a whim; at some point they really must have felt hurt /unseen /devalued /attacked /vilified /dismissed /damaged /ignored /betrayed /rejected /disrespected by you enough to build that wall. Of course you never meant to do any such thing, but that's how they took it, and that's how they feel. That's reality. That's a fact. 

This is not about you. Your story is not interesting right now to the person who rejected you. They are only interested in their story. Since it was they who initiated the estrangement, your job is to be curious about them, to validate their feelings, and to be available to them in a way that they define as positive or useful.

Accept their decision. For whatever reason, no matter what you do, the other person may decide not to let you back into their life. Let them know that you accept their decision, that you genuinely wish them well, and that the door is always open if they change their mind. Acknowledge to yourself the loss of the relationship, and allow yourself to mourn. Accept the new reality of your life without that person in it. You will survive without them. Your life may look and feel different to you, but it will be yours to do with as you please. If they ever do change their mind and come knocking on your door, decide right now to let them find a peaceful, whole person on the other side.

Many parents have done everything possible to raise their kids in what they perceive to have been the right manner, but they still face excommunication from children and grandchildren. Here are possible issues involved:

• Parents took an action “out of love” for the child, but it was the wrong action or the child perceives it as being wrong.
• Some ex-wives or ex-husbands poison the child about the other parent. Sometimes, the child's new girlfriend or boyfriend uses similar tactics.
• Some parents feel that they have spent years of their lives taking care of their children, and feel no further financial obligation. This common cause of family discord is multiplied when a child also hears that the money issue is somehow related to the parent's divorce.

Sometimes there is no obvious reason for a son or daughter to break off communication, but it would be helpful to many families if a social scientist would study this subject. It seems that one of the risk factors is divorce.  Another factor is having daughters.

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Mark Sichel in his article found here says:

The central premise of this article is that all healing starts from within. The most important reconciliation is the one you make with yourself. That way, your family's willingness or unwillingness to participate in a healing process will not be able to take away your peace of mind.

An extensive listing of websites and resources relating to family estrangement can be found here.

Again, if you are seeking more help in understanding estrangement, the above cited resources can be helpful. Most large churches in urban areas have support groups on the topic of "estrangement."

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Lastly, go here to read, in part...

Joshua Coleman, a San Francisco psychologist who is an expert on parental estrangement, says it appears to be growing more and more common, even in families who haven’t experienced obvious cruelty or traumas like abuse and addiction. Instead, parents often report that a once-close relationship has deteriorated after a conflict over money, a boyfriend or built-up resentments about a parent’s divorce or remarriage. “We live in a culture that assumes if there is an estrangement, the parents must have done something really terrible,” said Dr. Coleman, whose book “When Parents Hurt” (William Morrow, 2007) focuses on estrangement. “But this is not a story of adult children cutting off parents who made egregious mistakes. It’s about parents who were good parents, who made mistakes that were certainly within normal limits.”

I am praying for peace this season.  And I accept that as the mother of an estranged daughter, I am responsible for this estrangement.  Just please don't ask my "why," because although I made many mothering mistakes, one of my two daughters is emotionally close to me while the other is distant.

Did I give too much attention to the handicapped child and not enough to the one without visible handicaps?  Did I expect too much from one and not the other? If so, which one? Did I give too little, or too much? Should I have stayed in a marriage that was not good for any of us, and am now seeing consequences 30 years later? I have gone over the questions many times with both daughters, and they both give answers of "you did just fine."  So somewhere in there is a mis-truth.  But I still question, and yet also still don't have an answer as to why one has removed herself from the family.
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As a Christian, I believe God gave man peace through His Son.  Here are a few scriptures I especially like to think about:

John 14:27....I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.

Isaiah 40:29-30... He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

Peace be with you all.

Christmas Confetti Bean Soup in a Jar

What is on your "I Really WANT to Do" list for the holidays?

Really, is there such a thing as a list of Things You Must Do For the Holidays?  Kinda takes the fun out of it.

Besides listening to more seasonal music, I really wanted to make "soup mixes in a jar" for gifts.  It was unbelievable how many sites came up on a Google search for just this topic.

Here is the one site I settled on at this link because it was COLORFUL, EASY, and HAD LABELS.

Needed: 12 wide-mouth pint (2-cup) canning jars with lid and rings 14 pounds assorted dried peas, beans and lentils (at least 8 different varieties):

•  pink beans 
•  black beans 
•  baby lima beans
•  lentils
•  red lentils 
•  black-eyed peas 
•  red kidney beans 
•  pinto beans 
•  split peas 
•  great northern beans 
•  small red beans 
•  white beans 
• 12 Italian-flavor or beef flavor bouillon cubes 
• 12 bay leaves

Just put half cup of each bean layered in the jar topped with a bouillon cube and bay leaf and tie on a the printed label.  Like this!

I like soup, and almost any kind of flavor.  How about you?

If you made the soup exactly as directed, it would be pretty bland.  I'm thinking of giving a package of ham hocks along with the jars of beans, reminding the bean recipients that they will also need to add spices for a heartier, tastier version of this bean soup.

(Just had to add the Soup Nazi picture from the Seinfeld days.)

Linking to A Sheltering Tree ... because soup is something that can nourish a body and soul!

A Pause In Advent

Joining in with Floss in France who has offered to sponsor a Christmas Blogger Event Termed "A Pause in Advent," where we stop a moment and reflect on the spiritual season, this article from the late 1980's gave me pause to think about a different turn on Christmas. Perhaps you will like it too.  An excerpt...

I direct a Christian theater company and this Christmas season we have a play running called "0, Little Town of Bagels, Tea Cakes and Hamburger Buns." The play is about the contemporary experience of Christmas based on the fact that the people to whom Christ came that first Christmas are the same kinds of people that we are today. Bethlehem means "house of bread." Bread means bagels, tea cakes and hamburger buns. Christmas is not a remote event. It is not a memo tucked away in a history book and forgotten. It is a celebration for right now — for the people who are now, as were the people who were then — some of them hurting, some of them alone, some of them angry, some of them tired, some of them separated from their family, some of them ill. Unto those people, God sent his Christmas card.

Click on the highlighted title to read the entire essay O Little Town of Bagels, Tea Cakes and Hamburger Buns by Jeanette Clift George.  It is a thoughtful writing.

You can read others' Pauses in Advent here.

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click here to join in the pause

Silk Painting: Poppies

A few hours to make the correctly sized frame to hold the fabric taut, two weeks to paint, a bit of a mess in the kitchen, two hours to steam the painting, and meticulous ironing of the silk resulted in this painting:

Dimensions: 33" X 22"

Close up of the flower in left upper corner

I am pleased with the results and learned more about using the gutta resist. This will go to our local frame shop (today?) to be protected by some sort of plastic overlay.

Thanks to the husband for finding the wood for the frame and for putting up with me in the kitchen while completing this project.  He still managed to make some wonderful meals while working around the paints on the counter tops.

Prior posts on my silk paintings can be found here and here.

Angels and Oranges

Be it a spiritual angel,

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or referring to fun in the snow

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or thinking about the most important event in the realm of Christianity as relating to Jesus' birth when the Angel Gabriel announced to Mary:

Luke 1:26 In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, 27 to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. 28 The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.” 29 Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30 But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. 31 You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. 32 He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33 and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”

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we are all somehow linked into God's kingdom.  And I believe angels do guide and protect me while in a state of grace.  (More about this here on guidance and protection.)

A few angels from my Christmas display collection:

See the angel furthermost to the left in the picture above?  My mother had that easel angel for many years.  She usually displayed it right beneath a pot of ivy.  I think she must have connected to her heavenly roots each time she gazed on that angel.  Stair-stepping up from the left is a contemporary angel my sister Pam gave me several years ago. I asked for it; wasn't that greedy?  But she willingly complied...I just wanted an angel from her!  Then the angel at the center-most top of the photograph was given to me by my friend Francis eleven years ago before she died that following summer.  I always think of Fran and the good times we had painting together when I hold that fragile pink glass angel. The white angel above was given to me by my friend Carol about 15 years ago.  We met in the early '70's when our husbands were in graduate school in Michigan, and we still keep in touch.

Linking to Inspiration Avenue and the Theme of the Week: Angels

  also linking to Mandarin Orange Monday with a bowl of tangelos and orange squash

What I Did For Love (with leftovers)

You know your leftover turkey in the fridge?  This is what I made at 6:30 AM, because there was a hankering for it:  Curried Chicken Salad

That is Ina, not me...

And is it ever good!!

Thanksgiving Week in the USA

Leaves in our yard...

A close up of the pretty gold craft leaves Betty the Wood Fairy sent me from the UK

Betty took some pictures of leaves while on her walk and inspired me to do the same.  Go look at her silk painting of leaves here.  (She goods such a good job of painting on silk fabric and her music in the background will make you feel you are in the woods taking a walk with her.)

The marigolds, mums and daisy are blooming in the greenhouse even after several nights when the outside temperature was well below freezing.

Using the pretty leaves both from nature and from the hands of a craftsman, as well as mums and marigolds, I tried to mimic the colors in silk.  This is the beginning of a silk painting using those colors and shapes ...

and with more flowers and definition:

Jaquard silk paints on 8 mm silk, finished size 8"x10"

The colors turned out a bit garish, but it is all a learning experiment.  Usually I paint on a heavier silk with nubs, and the colors do not look as they are straight from the bottle.  And on this piece I did not mix colors or water them down.  All a learning curve ... but I think this might perk up an entryway

linking with Mardarin Orange Monday

Countdown

The husband says it all HERE in his op-ed about turkey dressing.  Read it for current and back content.

 You just might love the recipe. We do.

Look Through a Window

Linking up with Inspiration Avenue here for the weekly challenge of "Look Through a  Window and Share What You See," this was my view out the front door at 6:30 AM.

and the back windows...

Cold and wintry!

How is your morning and what do you see?

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Reprise of a Footstool

Definition of REPRISE. 1: a deduction or charge made yearly out of a manor or estate —usually used in plural . 2: a recurrence, renewal, or resumption of an action (Merriam Webster)

And here is the footstool in its second life with all pieces cleaned and new accessories.

A lace border (four pieces) was added between newly purchased fringe and the needlepoint top:

 

and corner pieces attached: 

(the flower is by Susan B. Anderson for a pacifer clip with five petals; directions at the Ravelry tag below)

So glad to finally get the ottoman put back together again. Thank goodness for hot glue guns and red duck tape.  The red duck tape was a base for the purchased trim since the wood on the footstool showed under the fringed piece. What crafter can live without our friends duck tape and glue guns?

Linking to Finished Objects Friday and linking to Fiber Arts Friday.