Greek Tragedy at the Nursing Home

Several years ago my SIL made an analogy as to how daughter Julie and I often interact verbally and physically, especially when times are tense: we act out Greek tragedies in our communication with one another. She was so right on.

The drama at that time was about how Julie was not being careful enough while drinking a soda, thereby spilling it on herself and the floor. I chastised her, and Julie retorted in kind, scoffing at my concern.

The analogy my SIL acted out, interspersed with a Greek Chorus humming in the background, still makes me laugh. Good for the soul to laugh, but also tragically sad. But if one can't see the humor in life, that is sadder still.

So here is my latest Greek Tragedy, soon to be on Broadway (yeah, not likely) of Julie and me playing out yet another little drama in our interactions. We were at her residential facility yesterday afternoon when this newest scene occurred.

Short Synopsis of Play: Main Character, Julie, a middle aged adult woman, feels misunderstood and dismissed since her husband died and she has left the ancestral home she and her husband built together in South Carolina

Stage Set: The Garden Room of a local nursing home, several people in wheelchairs in a large open room with windows looking out onto a grassy area, locked in by doors opened only by ambulatory people with authority that hold special keys to the outside and unsafe world

Characters: Julie, her mother (me), nursing staff and other residents; unseen character is a scheduler on the telephone

Scene I: Julie is in her wheelchair, legs stretched out in front of her on leg rests, draped sheet in place over lower part of body. She sits at a sturdy card table, her wheelchair alongside table at an angle. I sit in a chair beside Julie, knitting bag containing lunch, water bottle, cell phone, and knitting accouterments scattered about on table. A few other patients in wheelchairs, dozing or just sitting, the room is large with no activity now scheduled

Room Atmosphere: Quiet, patients being wheeled to early lunch, or patients milling around the nearby hallway slowly making their way to the dining room. Ambient social noise in background

Dialogue Begins with Nurse, walking towards me: “Could you come to the phone to answer questions about a prior surgical procedure performed in South Caroline? The scheduler is needing some questions answered and maybe a signed consent.”

Me: “Be right there.” (putting down knitting project and rising from the chair)

Julie: scowling, acting offended, muttering quietly under her breath

Me: Walking twenty feet over to the phone and saying, “Hello, this is Nancy, so glad you are scheduling her for a consultation. You need a consent form signed to obtain hospital records from which physician? We have been through all this many times over the summer, and records are all over this town. Yes, yes, I do hold Power of Attorney for Julie. Yes, we can get this done fairly quickly.”

Scheduler on phone speaking unknown dialogue, me listening.

Me: “Let's call the (insert name of hospital) and just have them faxed over. What? You need ANOTHER consent form signed? All, right, the fax number is (insert numbers after hailing down a nearby nurse on her way to fix another patient problem and on whose phone I am speaking)...”

Julie: wheeling over to the nurses' station, looking even more aggravated, scowling

Me: trying to ignore Julie and concentrating on what the scheduler is trying to relay on the phone

STAGE RIGHT: Enter two nurses who have come over to the telephone/station where I am seated. They are looking concerned, hearing what is going on from their approaching vantage point and appalled that now both Julie and I have invaded their work area; nurses' eyebrows arched as they listen to our conversation

Greek Chorus: tuning up with indistinct chanting in background

Me: hanging up phone receiver, informing Julie of the date of the appointment, rising from the chair to return back to the Garden Room

Julie: (with raised voice) “WHY did she not ask for ME to schedule the appointment? Why did YOU talk to her? It is MY appointment!” (implying that Mother is interfering)

Me: (backpedaling, glancing at a small group of observers now gathered at the nursing station, both staff and patients. my voice raised): “Probably because there needs to be coordination of efforts concerning how to get you there, whether you need to be prone or in your chair, and because I would like to be there with you and you do not know my other calendar conflicts.” Way too much disgust in my voice and attitude at this point... implying that “here we go again” I am now behind Julie's wheelchair, trying to exit Stage Left

Julie: as I am wheeling her forwards “It is MY body and MY concern, so why wasn't I asked about it instead of YOU?!” Julie's body language is now of extreme consternation and she begins to cry; slowing the cries rise to a crescendo of wracking sobs

Greek Chorus: rising in volume, inaudible mumbling with sing-song background chanting

Me: after rising from the chair by the telephone and getting behind Julie's wheelchair , now pushing her onward and back toward the Garden Room, barely avoid a crash collision with another person in a wheelchair who has now made her way to the nursing station to catch the drama

Greek Chorus: continuing in background with small gasps, sighs of resignation, humming to the tune of “Oh, Me, Oh, My, What is Now Going to Happen?”) ....sound of drums beating slowly along with the low murmuring and humming of background noises. Chorus continues...

Me: Now back in the Garden Room, vacated by staff and patients, talking to Julie the entire time, trying to quieten her sobbing, saying “We all love you and want the best for you. It is hard to coordinate all efforts made in your best interests. I know your life has changed dramatically since the death of your husband, and the change has affected my life as well.” (Talking perhaps too loudly for emphasis)

Julie: “I just feel like I do not have control over anything anymore. When I lived in South Carolina, I made my OWN doctor appointments.” Wracking sobs given by Julie, Chorus grows louder

Me: “Yes, but that was THEN. Now you live in a place where all efforts need to be coordinated as far as transportation and yours and my life all need to work together.”

Chorus in background: “yes, indeed, yes indeed” (sung in a three note cadence, two beats up, one beat down) “YES INDEED YES INDEED” repeated three times

Me: “Are you OK, are we good now?”

Julie: sniffing, wiping nose with back of right hand, sniveling

Chorus: chanting, “Mother was Wrong, Mother was Wrong!” Chanting slowly and softly fades into background...”mother was wrong, mother was wrong”

Julie: feeling wronged, giving up the sobs to quietly playing Word Chums on iPad...

Me: slinking off after giving her a kiss, feeling miserable having made this scene occur, having felt like I have done her wrong by trying to do right by her..feeling embarrassed by all this fuss...

Chorus: fades from chanting into ambient background noise...

END OF SCENE

Post Script: Activity Director reports later that Julie was acting happy, engaged with dominoes with other residents, relishing the cheese and crackers snack within half an hour after my departure from the scene of the drama. Go figure.

Brush & Palette October Demonstration

With the 2015 Brush and Palette Fine Arts Show paintings creating a Hollywood backdrop (89 entries) on the Grand Junction Art Center walls, Ann Kurz Chambers took center stage with her demonstration on October 15, 2015.

A multi-faceted artist with a published book of wildflowers, cranberry products, and more, Chambers showed how to create landscapes with oils on pieces of wood previously gessoed with a white background. 

Her creations are unique, and she paints quickly, proficiently. She emphasized that all art supplies and items are conserved, no matter the age of oils in tubes. She returns to her paintings that have been long neglected, perhaps laying against a corner of her studio, and fine tunes them in multi media ways using gesso and layers of paper or found objects. 

Chambers often uses hardwood by-products supplied by her son. Most of the wood provided by her son is special Engelmann spruce wood that he uses in his violin making.

Recap of Chambers’ demonstration:

Supplies:

oil paints, turpentine, turpentine in spray bottle to retain moisture on surface, Liquin, panels of wood, fiberboard, canvas, canvas board, masonite, gesso, brushes, rags, protective gloves

Method:

• Apply several layers of gesso to chosen surface object
• Apply the layers several times, laying on more gesso in the opposite direction of the prior layer
• Sand lightly after each gesso layer has dried
• When background is to your liking, apply oils (saturated with Liquin for ease of application and to aid in drying)

Several Finished Chambers’ Objects:

One Stitch at a Time

It just occurred to me that I have not yet shown knitting progress on a kit I purchased soon after Julie and I returned to Colorado in May.

That month of May in South Carolina was a complete wash in terms of knitting. Even if there had been time to sit down and knit, there was not a whit of concentration left in my frazzled mind.  So just as well that my hands had a break from the needles.

During June, I finished one of The Yarn Harlot books.  A story she wrote stuck with me when she talked about a woman in her circle of friends who took on the daunting task of beginning to knit a blanket, a huge one.  The woman in the story decided to begin this project while in the midst of several personal crises, including severe depression and the break up of her marriage.  McFee, aka The Yarn Harlot, went on to write that this woman, stitch by stitch, finished one row and then another, day by day, week by week. Lo and behold, after a year, the blanket was completed.  Somehow, the working of the project, the clearing of the mind, that entire process of making a blanket required a different sort of concentration of efforts.  And it resulted in more than just a finished blanket. With the ending of that enormous knitting effort, her depression had lifted and she had made important decisions, including one to end her marriage.  What determination she had.

Back to my tie-in and identification with the woman who undertook that blanket project.  No, I am not leaving my husband. But I did decide to order from a Norwegian designer who had put together kits for the most determined of knitters.  Those who had knit up this daunting project took months to complete it, according to their notes on Ravelry.  So I took the mental plunge back in June and bought the kit, knowing I would eventually complete it because I must finish what I start... a compulsion.  It may take a while to complete, but each completed stitch will work toward good mental health.

So this is the Promenade Shawl now on the needles, started in June:

But then I got distracted with other projects, like knitting up Julie's acrylic shawl just in time for cool weather.

She wore it yesterday on her Wednesday visit to our house.  Her aide helped to choose the dress from her closet to match the shawl, and got her ready.  Julie was all smiles when Dennis delivered her to our curb.  Gene made guacamole and tacos at her request.



Joining in with Ginny and her Yarn Along!

Julie and I took a leisurely wheel over to the hospice restaurant again this week. After thinking about the Ezra book and praying about the situation, it went much better than our first outing there. Thank you all for your kind comments about the Very Busy woman, by the way.  (And no, I have not heard from Her again.)

Here we are in the sun before our lunch.  A kind gentleman snagged from a nearby bench was the photographer.

Recipes tried this week: Beer Bread, and Rosemary Bread, thanks to Stephanie who blogs here.  Ya'll have a good weekend!

Another Simple Knit Shawl

Fall begins tomorrow, so we hear. Pope Francis arrives in the US today.

And another, yes another, shawl is in the works. Yarn, courtesy of Knit Picks, all acrylic, which goes against my yarn snobbery instinct for wool.  But it can't be beat for wash-ability.  

Julie chose her colors, neither picture showing up quite as the eye sees the pinks and magenta. The pattern is knitting up quickly.

When I show any knitting project to some of the women residents where Julie lives, they almost always comment on attached knitting markers.  It seems that the little markers catch their eye as much as the colors.  Or perhaps it is merely a conversation starter.

Hobby Lobby had some cute labels in a 9" x 24" panel.  You are supposed to cut them out and attach to clothing, after writing your name on the inside with permanent ink.  Clever.

Our roses have been prolific this year.  And they continue to bloom now.  I picked up several inexpensive glass bottles, vases, for give away rose containers, and it is again time to buy more since those roses just will not give up production.  The cup holders in the car make perfect little containers for the blooms in the little brightly colored glass holders.  The rose leaves are almost half eaten by some critters, so I probably have not been a good steward of feeding them fertilizer and bug killer.  Will rectify that this morning before the clouds roll in.

Pope Francis comes to the US today.  Interesting reads about the pontiff here and here and here (re-branding the faith?).  Gene and I are attending RCIA classes on Tuesday evenings, and there has been some good discussion there.

(almost life-like)

Brush & Palette 2015-2016 Begins Anew

Fall has arrived and it brings a new year to the Grand Junction Brush & Palette organization.

Last week, Sarah Dishong from Interiors, Etc. presented the September program, discussing current framing trends.  She asked that members bring in one finished, unframed piece of artwork so that she could make specific presentation and framing suggestions. Sarah discussed material trends, design and balance for matting and framing.

Sarah suggested the artwork sample above be framed with a lighter frame and either a fillet or white matt to offset the piece.

Trends for the coming  year include:

• using lighter colored fillet or matts so that the painted work is not distracted by colors
• using lighter colors around the artwork in a more neutral hue will not be off-putting to the buyer of the art
• using barn wood for frames has not come back into vogue
• metallic frames are still somewhat dated, not coming back soon
• likewise, colored metallic frames are also somewhat dated
• using lighter creams or whites for fillets/matts are suggested, especially for pieces that one wants to sell

Sarah Dishong, on the left, with Deborah Robinson, Show Coordinator for the Brush & Palette club.  (Picture taken at the Art Center, where monthly shows are held for the Brush & Palette organization.)

left to right: Emilie Olbert, Brooks Powell

Lise MacGregor, pastel artist, won the September Mini-Show

Next month, the Brush & Palette will meet on October 15, again at The Western Colorado Center for the Arts, aka "The Art Center."

The October presentation will be given by Ann Kurtz Chambers, mixed media artist.  Ann will demonstrate techniques of painting on miniature gessoed wood panels with oils.  She will also show how to prepare the wood panel, and show a fun, fast two-stage process that will create an abstract painting.  All are welcome, and we are always on the look out for new members and presenters!

Squint, It Makes Things Prettier

Trying to see things in a better light, here goes another rant. Why is it so difficult to get people to do their jobs?  

After over two months waiting for a physician specialist consult for Julie, the paperwork still has not been forwarded to the gastroenterology group practice.  Every time I have asked about when the specialist would see her, the answer was that it "just takes time" or that "it is in the orders, just wait."  Conceding that the inquiry had been made and we were just waiting for follow-up, I got fed up after waiting over two months with nothing happening. So in tears, I created a minor stir-up at the nurses' station yesterday. Sure enough, the orders were not sent to the physician group by the person responsible for this seemingly minor task.  

And that inhaler Julie asked for three weeks ago?  Still not in hand. Thanks to her diligent nurse, yesterday we at least got some answers and medication now is available for J's asthma.  We shall see if the consultation is forthcoming.

Sigh.  I hated to channel Shirley MacLaine in Terms of Endearment, but, yes, I was ranting.  JUST GIVE HER THE DAMN MEDICINE!  Thank you, Debbie.  Blessings on you. Maybe the consult will come through, also.

Julie asked for red highlights from the beautician at Mesa Manor, similar to Julianne Moore.  She got highlights for sure, but more like Cyndi Lauper...

Just squint...and the red looks softer

I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.

The Habit of Being: Letters of Flannery O'Connor

Following Ezra; A Few Thoughts

A friend sent me a book.  Not just any book, but a special one which has received a lot of good press, Following Ezra..., by Tom Fields-Meyer.  Many lessons are gleaned from what the autistic boy, Ezra, teaches his father over a nine years period in Ezra's childhood.

Dad learns to appreciate Ezra, in spite of all the frustrations of raising a child with autism.  He truly appreciates and marvels at Ezra. The author holds on as strongly as his son does to what he knows is right for his middle son.  When he insists Ezra must work on good behavior for a month in order to earn a new Homer toy, Ezra indeed does earn the inflatable Homer. I laughed that actually Ezra got little from the lesson regarding good behavior, other than that persistence pays off. " I Got Him!,"  Ezra says.

Sometimes the lessons we try to teach only enforce our own stubbornness and show us up in our own rigidity. 

In the prologue of Following Ezra, Fields-Meyer describes his quest of searching for the right doctors, diets, medicines and therapies. But what he discovers is that he has been focusing on the wrong thing: "It wasn't about finding the right expert for my child; it was about learning to be the right parent," he writes.  (source)

Those preceding words written, my diatribe follows.  Do not read if you are an advice giver.  Because I really do not want advice, I just want to vent.

A woman called me yesterday afternoon, shortly after I had returned from visiting Julie at the nursing home.  She is a Very Busy woman, reinforcing this message as she told me of her active working life.  Her take-away message was that I needed to take care of myself, and that not only did I need to wean myself away from being Julie's main source of consolation, but that I also needed to help her find new friends and new interests.

I hung up the phone, amazed that this Person had both the audacity and undertook the right to tell me how to take charge of middle aged Julie, a person whom she has never met.  Then I thought back to the Ezra book, and realized the irony of Busy Woman believing she had the privilege to tell me how to best shepherd my daughter Julie, whom she has not taken the time to meet or to visit (who actually wants to go to a nursing home? ... I get it).  I doubt she has been around very many handicapped people throughout her lifetime.

It is not like I am devoting my life to Julie.  I spend two or three hours daily with her.  She cannot even turn over in bed by herself, much less bathe, make wheelchair transfers or care for her pressure sores.  How would she eat without food being taken to her on a tray?  Julie's strabismus makes reading difficult.  She has poor fine motor skills, prone to dropping objects.  And what activities could I help her engage in?  Bingo at the nursing home is a highlight on weekends.  She does that alone. How else can I help goad her on to other "activities" when all such outside interests must be wheelchair accessible, along with an aide to accompany her because of the colostomy and urostomy bags always underneath her chair, ready to blow at the most inopportune times? And how is she supposed to make friends?  Where in the world is she to find friends within the confines of the walls of the nursing home, when most there are one or two generations older than she?  (She has made "friends" with her aides, but a prisoner cannot consider the jailer a friend, even in war time.)

What was this Very Busy woman thinking in telling me to help Julie find new friends and outside activities?  

Dear reader, do not worry too much about me.  Yes, I have lost weight.  Yes, I am anxiety ridden.  But I am taking good care of myself.

Ezra's father took care of his son in a way not many understood or condoned.  The Dad pulled screaming Ezra off a wall without losing his temper while onlookers made judgment about an adult allowing a child to throw a tantrum; I have made similar accusations many a time.  But Abba (daddy) did what he thought best.  With God's help, I plan on continuing looking out for Julie in a similar manner.  It all goes back to the Sisters of Charity Mission Statement that I have adhered to even after my retirement from health care administration: providing for the vulnerable, marginalized population in a caring, loving way.

source

The Kindness of Strangers

Friend Carol (we met in 1973 while at MSU in Lansing, Michigan) sent an email to her friends, none of whom is known to me.  She asked her acquaintances to mail Julie a card on her birthday to cheer her. After all, our daily visits while she lives in the nearby nursing home can only occupy her for a few hours during the day. And Carol knew that, so she sent out a mailing asking for people to send Julie a birthday card, her first one as a widow.

The response was gratifyingly sweet with over a dozen birthday wishes being mailed out to Julie. Cards came from Kentucky, North Carolina, Texas, Indiana, Louisiana and Colorado.  Julie is a Big Kid when it comes to birthdays and loves the fal-de-rah of a celebration. Gene is making her some Mexican food and purchasing a cheese cake, at her request, for her most-of-the-day visit at our house.  A special van will bring her in her chair for the party.

Thank you, all of you, for the cards.

Thank you, Australian Sheep

"When in Scotland," free pattern, took less than two weeks to knit up.  Finished size after blocking: 80" x 33"

The wool, again, thank you John, was hand spun from fleeces of sheep that grazed in Australia.  The dyeing was from both natural flowers and acid dyes.

Friend Natalie is knitting her shawl from the natural, undyed colors of the sheep from fleeces John spun:

And this is Dottie's slipper, one she is making.  Again, from John's spun wool:

Julie:

Yesterday was a stressful day as it was an outing with Julie.  Gene and I wheeled her across the street from Mesa Manor and around the hospice campus to the accessible restaurant operated by HopeWest, Spoons Bistro & Bakery, where most proceeds go back to hospice.  Julie seemed to enjoy getting out, eating under an umbrella, and touring the grounds.  It was a pretty day, very hot and sunny, so the climate added to the milieu of the many flowers in bloom. But I failed to take a camera.

After getting Julie back to the nursing home and settled, I arrived home physically and emotionally exhausted.  Julie's social skills and perceptions are not that of the average; crying on both our parts is generally par.  The husband, as usual, was stalwart.  He suggested I read a book on dealing with adolescent autistic people, of which neither category of "adolescent" nor "autistic" exactly fits into her persona.  But there are certain similarities in both aspects of the terms as to how she deals with life.  I will give it a go and do more reading.  Maybe I can better learn how to deal with her when she is around other people in social settings.  My expectations are apparently too great.  Or maybe just unrealistic.

Dyeing with Cosmos Flowers

In 2013, after those delightful, memorable, happy happy summer weeks in Scotland and the Outer Hebrides, I used marigolds to dye white wool from Orkney.  And with good results.

Fast forward to August, 2015.  Again, I have a bumper crop of flowers for dyeing.  But this summer I am using yellow cosmos to see what yellows will result after boiling on John's Australian wool.

Here are the cosmos flowers showing off for the camera in the early morning hours on August 15, just prior to being denuded with scissors:

(on the front porch)

(and this is on ONE volunteer, flowering cosmos plant; note it is trying to overtake the deliberately planted garden squash)

For basic dying principles, refer back to the Polish Granddaughter's post about dyeing with marigolds.  I substituted half cosmos and half marigold flowers, simmering for an hour to achieve this color in the dye pot.

Yellow yarn on the right, derived from cosmos and marigold dye, a bottle of yellow food coloring and half a bottle of citron acid dye. That wool resisted taking on a yellow hue, to say the least.  It is a wonder it did not felt amidst the process of all that stove top simmering.

This is the When In Scotland garter shawl.  It needs more of the lighter color green alternated with the lime green, then ending with the yellow cosmos colored wool. Figuring there is no rush on finishing the knitting (it is to be 97 degrees F today), I will add the new yellow for the last bold stripe, then finish with the teal color. 


On the Julie front, she is encountering a few more medical issues. Nothing is insurmountable, in her mind, for achieving independence in her own apartment in 2016.  We manicure her nails thrice weekly, play Word Chums and Words With Friends night and day via our iPads, and lunch together daily outside at the gazebo at Mesa Manor Rehab and Nursing Home. We also play a card game or two if she can tear herself away from the computer word games.

The husband does his part and brings the dogs to Julie for a pet at least twice a week. Julie has a remarkable and resilient spirit and has continually taught me about the universality of love.  Her birthday approaches in early September, and her abiding life cannot help but be inspirational despite her obstacles.

Bark if You Love Julie!

Outside Art: Painted Fence Update

Last summer was the advent of painting our fences with happy flowers.  Yesterday and today, I decided to update the east fence with a big ol' sunflower.  All acrylic, all half way peeling, and all flowers in need of a bit of fresh lacquer; or in this case, acrylics.

This is how it looks from the patio, not nearly so "in your face."

Except there might need to be a bee on the head of that sunflower.  We shall see how it feels later today.

A year ago in April and the west fence, which also needs a refreshment of paint: