St. John's, Newfoundlandt

Azamara travelers were greeted by a Newfie who was loving the slobbering attention he received upon arrival in St. John's as we all hounded him with our affection.

Hello from Honfleur and Rouen, France

Rouen is the town where Catherdral of Notte Dame looms over its city square.  It is also the place where Joan 'd Arc was burned at the stake so if you look below you will see a picture of a plaque stating the fact.  If it were not pointed out to you by a tour guide, you would surely miss it.

And this is moi' grinning at you from the front of Notre Dame Cathedral in Rouen.

A picture worth a thousand words is of a carousel that gave kids rides for a few Euro.

More of France tomorrow or whenever I get internet access.

Good Byes and Hellos and a Scrabble Cruise

Hello, September and hello virtual friends.  

We have sold our house and bought another, all within ten days' time.  Good bye house and garden views. Will surely miss seeing this from my patio chair.  Good-bye to cosmos, marigolds, mint, hollyhocks, grape vines, Jupiter's Beard, columbines, and field of grasses.  

Hello to xeriscaped yard and outside plants in pots next year; hello to never needing to mow.

Below is a picture of the house we bought on Waite Avenue, just one half mile west, and where we will move the last of September.

Zillow said this about our new house:

This one is Parade of Homes nice! Upgrades everywhere you look. The Larkspur model is the most popular model home in Copper Creek Subdivision. This is the only Larkspur plan built with a 3 car garage! With nearly 1650 square feet, 3 beds, 2 baths and a 3 car garage! Hardwood floors, granite counter tops, custom cabinets, oversized stamped concrete back patio with stamped concrete sidewalk surrounding the home. Stamped concrete drive way, garage attic storage with pull down ladder and much more! Split bedroom design with luxury 5 pc master bath and walk in closet. Great room concept with vaulted ceilings. All windows have high end custom blinds and there is a security system included.

That printed, please don't feign to feel sorry for us in our new and smaller digs.  With no grass to mow.  We have given away furniture and thrown away things that no one could possible want.  I was a little sorry to have my good china exit the house, along with the Howard Miller grandfather clock, but there is absolutely no time to mourn.

On the cancer side, side effects now are loss of eyebrows, a little hair lost on the left side where I part my hair, and gut woes. The blood work shows expected neutropenia so hand washing is a must. I follow a neutropenic diet as much as possible. Yup, I have lost weight.  Maybe I will gain it back on an upcoming vacation with Scrabblers.

Those diet, fatigue and tummy issues might present a few glitches when I go off on an 18 day jaunt with Scrabble cruisers when we leave from Southampton, England and go north to France and on to Ireland before heading across the Atlantic to Nova Scotia and on to Canada.  Yea!  This WILL be a great trip, and if fatigue gets to me, there is always a place to rest on the Azamara cruise ship.  I leave on September 7 and return on the 24th from Montreal.  Again, how could you possibly feel sorry for my lot? I am Blessed!

On the Julie front: she is doing fine, with her birthday coming up the day before Labor Day.  The manor is buying her a fast food lunch, a special treat, and we are having a "do" for her at our house when she makes her weekly, now Tuesday, trip over to love on the dogs and watch tv with us.  It will be her last visit to the old homestead on September 6.  Future visits with Julie await us on Waite Avenue, thanks to front door wheel chair accessibility.

Will blog pictures of London, maybe Paris and at the least, the coast of France and Cherbourg, and perhaps more over the next few weeks. Stay tuned for Adventures on the High Seas and wish me great luck playing Scrabble with 16 other tournament entrants as we play 24 tournament games!

Spiders and Shorter Days

Note: Spiders are not attractive to potential house buyers.  Don't get caught with them in the tub.  Here is one I found this morning, trying to ward off looky lookers.  (Six walk-throughs with realtors, with one offer on the house thus far.)

Tomatoes are ripening on the vine, neighbors have been too kind with their squash, and days are getting shorter with kiddos out early in the mornings making their way to school.

Yesterday proved an interesting day with the oncologist in that I learned I qualify for a clinical trial.  At first my altruistic thoughts were quite positive, until I read through the 23 pages of the abstract and learned I would have to make at least fifteen overnight visits to Denver, in winter months, over the continental divide, and at my own expense.  So now the inclination is to let some other "lucky" lady take my place in the trial.  In this double blind study, I had a 33.3 percent chance of receiving the placebo instead of targeted radiation, and even though it would be do-able, it would also be very taxing.  I am continuing on with the Ibrance and letrozole, targeted therapies to slow down tumor growth.  Dr. L offered steroids and analgesics for back and hip aches, but I am holding off for now and trying other avenues for pain relief. There will be time later to bring in the big guns to control pain.  And actually, the pain, dare we say discomfort, is mostly under control, in case you were to worry.

On the Julie front: she is doing pretty well, better than I would have imagined a year ago.  Her new social avenue is playing a card game, Phase 10, with one of her and my best friends at the manor, Ms. Louise.  Louise just passed her 91st birthday last week with much hoopla.  Julie gave her sweet presents and flowers, and Louise had two birthday lunches that she very much enjoyed.  These days, all three of us are playing Phase 10 together in the mornings after Julie gets to the garden room around half past ten. This is sweet Louise with Julie.



Be the Girl on the Right Luncheon

Yesterday brought a few friends to the patio for lunch.  It is good to have conversation and to remember times together.  And excellent side dishes were shared, thanks to you wonderful women.

Thank you, friends.  Jan F. (left) and Lynn (right) and I have been together since 2003 as a sort of support group for each other, meeting weekly for Coffee and Chats and sometimes lunch.  We have added some new friends along the way.

Janice, below, has joined our group since her mother passed away two years ago from metastatic breast cancer.  We love her, too, just as much as we did Maureen.

(Maureen Keesler: 1941-2013)

Homestead for Sale

Our home for almost 20 years is now for sale.

It is with mixed feelings that Gene and I are selling, along with all the hard work that has gone into it, from choosing a floor plan, to building on a vacant lot, then forwarding on to create a home. 

(nostalgic pictures from 1996 as we were building)

(Larry Bennett was builder)

(late 1996)

(August, 2016 our house for SALE!)

You can imagine the reasoning that has gone into the decision to sell, if you have been following this blog for a while.  It is difficult to say that the return of cancer is nudging us along, because that ugly disease is not going to make me a victim. I do so want to be the Girl on the Right. SHE would not be a victim.

My brother John and SIL Char were here this week and John was a trooper, helping to fix the garden gate, transplanting iris into a big pot, trucking dead foliage into the pit, and helping to move a 75 year old workbench and heavy oak table onto the back of a friend's pickup bed.  The workbench and table have already found a new home thanks to Marianne, Judy and Bill.

We also had some recreational time.  SIL tickled heads for Julie and me while Uncle John photographed. We had some good days together.

Today starts day 9 of 21 days for the first cycle of the Ibrance chemo drug at 125 mg/day with expected side effects (SE) of fatigue and woozy-ness.  Not too bad, and SE should diminish as time goes by.

Pictures tomorrow of a Girls on the Right Luncheon with friends and salads and summer drinks on the patio.

St. Brigid: Cathedral and Cross

Friend Sharon sent pictures of St. Brigid Cathedral in Kildare on her recent trip to Ireland.

Brief Notes on the Cathedral's History says:

Just over 1500 years ago...Saint Brigid arrived in Kildare with her nuns in the year 480 A.D.  Her original abbey church would have been a simple wooden building, but so great became her fame that, soon after her death in 523 A.D., a costly shrine was erected in her honour in a new and larger building. For many centuries Kildare maintained a unique Irish experiment; the abbess ruled over a double community of women and men and the bishop was subordinate in jurisdiction to the abbess.

Sharon also sent a beautiful St. Brigid Cross that will be placed beside the inside entry of our home.  A smaller replica in the form of a lapel pin says:

The idea of St. Brigid's Cross probably goes back to Pagan times. Making the cross may have been part of a ceremony of preparing the seed for planting.  Legend has it that St. Brigid made her cross while sitting at the bedside of a dying leper. Some say the man was her own father, Dubthach. She whiled away the time making a cross from the rushes that covered the floor. Her father notices, and asked what she was doing. Explaining the cross, St. Brigid told him the Gospel story. It is said that Dubthach became a believer.

Yes, Sharon, it does give me inspiration.  Thank you, friend.

Random Pictures Shared with Yarn Along

Gorgeous lilies, roses and mums that Cookie brought me yesterday for our lunch together; I forgot to give her dessert, bad on me.

A favorite:

A second tree limb fell this week in our back yard; confirmation that it is time to move.  That back area is too much work for the DH.

A picture of our pretty lilies:

\

St. Brigid is my patron saint!

It has been hot this August!  Don't you love this picture of birds trying to escape the heat!

Progress on my Rainbow Trail sweater is coming along.  Joining in with Ginny in her weekly Yarn Along.

Marianne and I made two angels yesterday for the church bazaar, proceeds to help fund the food bank.  Isn't she pretty?  It took us over an hour to make just one each, amply filled with sweet smelling lavender.  Each time you hold the angel and give her a little squeeze, more aroma is released. Wish the colors showed up better but I took it against the lighting.  More to come, with better pictures.  She has about a dozen ready, and they will be shown again.  Thanks for playing and teaching me how to make the angel, Marianne!

Ever Visited Breast Cancer Dot Org?

Over where it is beautiful one day and perfect the next, Sandra posted:

"Negative people need drama like oxygen.

Stay positive. It will take their breath away."

And on an optimistic note, this week Ibrance is to be delivered to our doorstep.  It is a pill generally taken orally along with a hormone inhibitor. I have read that it costs $10,000 for a one month supply, but I am hoping that is an unsubstantiated rumor.  Yeah, yeah, there are those nasty little side effects, but look at it this way, those tumors may not get bigger anytime soon with pricey meds on board!

At this site on one of the community forums at "breast cancer", I spent several days reading through, actually skimming, over 14,000 messages on one board alone.  About anything you could ever question has been addressed by one person or another in this one thread about BC bone metastasis.  And that is just one thread of conversations covering almost 135,000 topics.  It is amazing how many competent people, mostly women, are in charge of their health care.

Simply filling in the information on the profile site took me a while.  It was worth the time to complete the profiling because now I have specific email updates on news relating to individual diagnoses sent to me by email.  Of course, if you are only a lurker and not an overachiever trying to be on top of it all, you can skip the emails and enjoy your latest Big Bang Theory episode, if that is your fancy, and just check in every few months on medical updates. Obsessiveness comes in all shapes and sizes other than fretting over one's health; my personal favorite ocd activity is blowing dead leaves off the patio.  At least that is an activity that can be controlled by hot air (not touching politics)!

Leaving you with this beautiful song...

The Yahweh in Him Met the God in Me

Newly referred oncologist Mark Levandovsky, MD, is a smart cookie in more dimensions that I will ever know.  He certainly read me well on our initial visit, handed me tissues without fanfare, kept direct eye contact, was kind in his manner while being straightforward, and did not overload me with information. 

When I told him I would not fight the metastasis to the bone via tooth and nail, just wanted to be kept comfortable and keep the cancer at arm's length as long as possible, his response was exactly what I wanted and needed to hear. His yarmulka stayed pinned on his head while my silver cross was caught in my reconstructed cleavage. He listened, he heard.

His reply to my questions as to how we would treat this without going overboard in loading up the system with toxic drugs (this cancer will never be eradicated, hence cured), Dr. Levandovsky said he would treat it with "this and that" and if this and that did not provide relief or slow down of growth of tumors, he said he would treat it "with the other."  He sensed I did not  need to know specific effects of seven syllable oncologic drugs, nor would I remember their specific names even five minutes later.  He just knew that I was leaving the specifics in his hands. The analogy is that he and God are taking care of all the details.

This morning I go in for patient education on oral daily drugs.

My anxiety is under control with drugs and I have slept much better the last couple of nights.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  As for me, it is good to be near God.  Psalms 73:26

All those chemo hats I have been crocheting will go to the oncology unit.  Here are two finished last week.

and another Bellatina...

Be Still

Not sleeping well these past weeks, getting up from bed several times during the night, a few hours ago I had a God Experience as I was repeating this scenario. (Tossing and turning in bed might be an analogy, although not quite hitting the mark. Movement and flitting of the mind seems more accurate. The kind of subconscious upheaval and mental jousting that keeps one from returning to sleep.)

Being as quiet as possible, hoping Gene would not detect that I had left the bed, I felt my way into the bathroom and closed the door, then turned on the bath light.  I was wondering what medicine I should take: Meloxicam?  No, took one of those at 7:30 PM, so could not take another dose yet. Certainly, an oxicodone pill was not the answer as there was definitely no pain approximating that medicine intake. Aspirin?: another no. By this time, I was nearing my side of the sinks where some medicines were placed the night before. My mind began praying for guidance as to what I should do to aid in this restlessness.

Instantaneously and without question, the Holy Spirit said to me "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD."

That was the answer to the question of which medicine to take.  I needed only a reminder that God is in control, that I just needed to return to bed for sleep, I was being watched over.  

Within minutes after returning to bed, I slept again for at least two hours.  All that was needed was His presence.  He had, after all, been there all the time. Only I required that reminder, dumb, slow human that I am.  God is good to his simple sheep.

Psalm 23:1-4 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Yesterday, a St. Mary's Hospital scheduler made appointments for me with both medical oncology and radiology, although the biopsy report has not been yet been relayed to me.

Cancer Update

Events this week have shown an about-face, proving challenges are ever changing. Example: from being given information that cancer cells were not running amok, to being informed that those errant cells are indeed attaching and growing inside my bones. Two weeks ago, a CT scan showed no problem, but a previous MRI  indicated some suspicious areas of clustering cells congregating under my left arm and under the implant where I once had a breast. 

Then a new day dawned and a PET scan performed Tuesday showed lesions on the lower spine, the upper pelvis and also deep under the left rib, thinning the bone and causing havoc with nighttime sleep and daytime movement.  Liken the discomfort unto a bruised rib. Kind of.

Yesterday, prayers from family and friends and a helpful technician giving me extra doses of fentanyl helped me breeze through two bone core biopsies in my upper pelvis.  Now we wait for the definitive news from pathology to tell that sorry old story that breast cancer has spread to the bones.

Several days ago I read this poem by Jo McDougalk, published by The Writer's Almanac on July 12.  It reverberated in my chest wall.

 CHOICE

You’ve come to the oncologist’s office
to talk about your options.
You view the scans,

forgetting to breathe.
“It’s metastasized.” He frowns,
pointing to where and where.

He ticks off the preferred treatment,
the side effects,
low rates of success.

“It’s your choice,” he says,
closing your folder,
“but we need to start tomorrow.”

You think of yesterday
when you lived in a different universe,
of a waitress,
hand on her hip, asking,

“Hon, you want mustard or mayo
on that sandwich?”

Chew on that one.  Some choices are mundane, a few are critical. Time will tell, and decisions will be made with prayer and the Holy Spirit backing us up.

While meditating this morning, Psalms 91 came to mind.  (Joyce Meyer has a great sermon about Psalms 91 on YouTube here). These are the first two verses in the scripture, but read the entire psalm for comfort.

He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. (Psalms 91:1-2)

photo by Carol Lewis

I am trusting and desiring to be a good example of dealing with cancer in a realistic and God centered manner so that I can give Julie that as a legacy.  My mother did the same for me in 2000 when she dealt with the cancer issue, and was never fearful of one day following the next.  Nor am I, and I trust that Julie will also face her own mortality with faith and dignity.

Next posting with be all about knitting, I promise.

Llamas at the Manor

Llamas from Whitewater, 17 of them, are owned by Kathy and Glen Stanko.  Kathy and Glen were kind to bring two of them to visit the manor yesterday.  They were certainly a hit with residents.  Julie loved seeing them, and even made me drive her chair out to the parking lot to wave them off back to their home forty-five minutes away by trailer.

 

They ate iris and parsley planted in the herb garden, but that was ok.  There are plenty more iris I planted there last fall, while the parsley is taking more than its fair share of garden space.

 

White llama above: Phoebe Snow.  Her fur is a natural white and is spun at Fire Mountain Fiber near Hotchkiss, Colorado at Bad Rabbit Farm.  Her fiber is lace weight.  Kathy wants me to drive out to the ranch and see all her fiber for sale; I might take her up on it as I would really like to dye up some more fibers in acid dye baths.  Like last year!

 

Julie is trying to touch Phoebe's neck as Phoebe patiently waits for it.

 

Here is the location of the Stanko llama ranch on Kannah Creek Road near Whitewater.  I might just take a drive out there soon to purchase some fiber.

 

 

 

Sunday Tidings

Results of medical tests showed that cancer is not in the cards for me in the near future. Thank you all for your concern.  Gene was relieved, of course, but his wry comment during our discussion after results came in was "God is not letting you get out of here that easy."  Meaning we still have Julie to guard, and his mother to bury, although she is closing on to 90 and has been dying for more than a decade, in her estimation.

So that is all I can report on the tests, other than that odd lump is undefined, and that rib pain continues.  Costochondritis?  Who knows...

The sun shines through!

A Health Concern

"Colorado Aspen"

Acrylics, 16" x 20"
painted by N. McCarroll and

Gifted to Eva this week

Today I go in for an MRI to determine the cause of rib pain, left side, under previous breast cancer site.  It kept me awake while I was in Maine since I could not sleep on my side, but it did not keep me from having a very enjoyable time playing Scrabble, visiting with friends, and savoring lobster and the gorgeous views of water and greenery.  It was a wonderful week.

This health issue is worrying, of course, and I will post results when available.  Thank you in advance for your caring.  

Psalm 103:2-4 “Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.”

Main Fun Times in Maine

Summer Solstice with a Strawberry Moon outside our cabin

Sunset on Penobscot Bay Sail

Castine Cottages where we occupied four cottages

Lupine Showing Off

Lobster traps

Sailing on Penobscot Bay

Lobster 

Lighthouse in Castine

Lobster traps on a haul

Relaxing at Andrea's house

Andrea, right, a most gracious hostess.  We all had a marvelous week playing Scrabble!

A few of us before departing Castine...